2002-07-03 - 11:21 PM
Mourning Our Way Home (Long Horses We Are Born)
This first song, always made me revert back into fully believing in the all-godly idealistic dogma of love. When I hear this, things get put into perspective - most of my frigid-bitter-cold that has frosted my heart from experience, melts away - dripping in the sun. I begin to believe in miracles. I begin to believe in things invisible. I begin to believe in the jaw-dropping cliche of love all over again. And it's a good feeling, that I won't hesitate to say, that I love.
One day, somebody will try to hold on to me. Go for a ride with me, and not leave my side. And when I look over, and see her shining face, staring into my eyes, I'll whisper these two words:
pop tart.
Then the ride begins.
"pop tart / what's our mission / do we know / but never listen / for too long / they held me under / but i hear / it's almost over / in detroit / on a memphis train / like you said
it's down in the heat and the summer rain of / the automatic gauze of your memories / down in the sleep at the airplane races
try to hold on / to this heart / a little bit longer / try to hold on / to this love / aloud / try to hold on / for this heart's / a little bit colder / try to hold on / to this love
paperback scrawl your hidden poem / written around the dried out flowers / here we are still trading places / to try to hold on
pop tart / can you envision / a free world / of clear division / for too long / they held us under / but i know / we're getting over / in detroit / with the nashville tears / like you said
it's down in the heat with the broken numbers / down in the gaze of solemnity / down in the way you held together
to try to hold on / to this heart / a little bit closer / try to hold on / to this love / aloud / try to hold on / for this heart's / a little bit older / try to hold on / to this love / aloud
and we are still alive / try to hold on / and we have survived / try to hold on / and no one should deny / we try to hold on / to the pulse of a feedback current / into the flow of the cryptic movement / slapback kills the ancient remnants / that try to hold on
try to hold on / to this heart / alive / try to hold on / to this love / aloud / try to hold on / and we are still alive / try to hold on / and we have survived / try to hold on / pop tart / you never listen / skinned knees / try to hold on / stop start / what's our mission / skinned knees / try to hold on."
- "Try, Try, Try" by The Smashing Pumpkins
So in my mind, Billy Corgan's a genius. I'm sure I've said this time and time before, in any a previous entry, but I really do think he is. At least, he's found the ways to really strum my heart. I can't begin to describe how I feel when I listen to his music. And so it's only right, that I continue my entry with more of his lyrics. These two songs that I've included in this journal entry, no doubt remind me of somebody oh so amazing to me.
She shall remain nameless. Mostly because, those who should know, know. And those of you who don't, I'm sorry, but maybe you really shouldn't. <=0P That's my apology. And I'm sorry.
But I digress. This next song, is something that I love to listen to when I'm feeling down, and mostly because it keeps me there. It's odd how you want to wallow in your sorrows, whenever you're in it. You don't really want to cheer up. You just want to dive headfirst into tears, sad songs, and pictures of the old cobwebbed memories in your mind. And if that's the case, this song is just for you. A haunting piano accompaniment that is so beautiful, it can move you to tears as you hum it to yourself. Along with the rest of its beauty, it can pack a punch. And even though he wrote this song about seeing his mother in heaven, I relate this to something more personal and more fitting to my current situation. In the end, essentially, this song is just about distance - and knowing that one day, some day in the chaotic mess of the future - the distance will disappear. It's a fact. And don't go believing anything else.
I mean, think what you will. But somehow, when I boil it all down to the quintessential, I realize that distance is a state of mind. One day, some day in the chaotic mess of the future; every distance will disappear. Just think about it.
Feel it.
Know it.
And when you do, look around. Everything you thought you lost, was somehow always found.
"whenever I run / wherever I run to you lost / it's never done / just hanging on
the past has let me be / returning as if dream / shattered as belief
if you have to go, don't say goodbye / if you have to go, don't you cry / if you have to go, I will get by / someday I'll follow you and see you on the other side
but for the grace of love / I'd will the meaning of / heaven from above
but for the grace of love / I'd will the meaning of / heaven from above
your picture out of time / left aching in my mind / shadows kept alive
if you have to go, don't say goodbye / if you have to go, don't you cry / if you have to go, I will get by / I will follow you and see you on the other side
but for the grace of love / who'd will the meaning of / heaven from above
long horses we are born / creatures more than torn / mourning our way home."
- "For Martha" by The Smashing Pumpkins
So to that nameless amazement - one day, some day in the chaotic mess of the future, our distance will disappear.
Don't say goodbye, don't you cry. I will get by.
Because long horses we are born, creatures more than torn...
...and soon enough - we'll be mourning our way home.
Hold on to me, and we'll sit and watch as the distance disappears.
It'll be beautiful.
I promise.
