2002-07-05 - 3:35 AM
Only Question With No Answer
Well, I'm up - it's 3:30 AM. Yan and Ken both fell asleep in my bed. My brother fell asleep on the other bed in my room. Tim, he fell asleep on the floor in-between the beds. So where does that leave me? Leaves me here in front of this electronic box, without much of a thing to do, except to write about pointless thoughts and draft weird lines.
So I wasn't the first to wish Trina a Happy Berfday. DAMN YOU, LAURA!!! Hehe, s'all g. Laura doesn't really count to me, because she was WITH Trina when midnight plus one hit. But I was the next person to wish her it. So I was happy with that. Hehe. I was rather disappointed though, that I wasn't able to give Trina's mom some flowers that I had meant to bring over, because it was her mom's birthday yesterday (Independence Day). I guess I'll just have to give it in bulk later on today. I do hope that I finish a couple of Trina's presents before I see her today. My mind keeps thinking that I'm doing too much. But my heart's telling me a different story - that I can't do enough. Eh. It's those damn Yin and Yangs again.
I sent a text message to Trina at 1:43 AM though, just to wish her a Happy 143 - like a God damn loser. Hehe. Sometimes I amaze myself with how corny I could be.
I'm feeling lonely right now - well, as usual, but this is a technical lonely. Nobody's really online for me to talk to, nobody's awake - and yada que yada. I'm sitting back in this black leather chair, embracing Sun (my stuffed puppy with a twin). I'm listening to "Real Love" by Smashing Pumpkins, and I'm dazing away into a better place, somewhere trotting off in my mind. Somebody please tell me the wait in Limbo isn't too long.
I'd really love to type up the lyrics to "Real Love" - but I think I gave you enough of my Smashing Pumpkins drivel a couple entries ago. If you're interested, I believe it's a must-download, and the lyrics just hit me. But the music mixed with them, hits me even more. It's like a maul against the skull. In a good way.
Another musical venture you should traverse, Howie Day. A dude from Boston who walks around and plays songs on his acoustic. He kinda looks like Wade Robson, but that's off the tangent. I heard some of his tunes, and just upped and bought the album - it's pretty good. I've been listening to it the whole day, as I suffocated, choking on the hot air of the summer sun.
...
HmMmMm, do you know what this love is?
This love is like noticing the color of somebody's eyes. It's like coming out of the pool, rubbing your eyes, and squinting because the sun is shining so white off the pavement. This love is like coming home to a present, opening the door to a box tied up with a ribbon. It's like driving about ten miles per hour, watching dandy-feathers fly by your window; some keeping up with you, some vanishing into specks in the world of your rearview.
This love is like that special song you can never get sick of, and you never cease to cry when it comes on. It's like that instant non-microwaveable feeling you get when you win a stuffed animal at a carnival. This love is crazy.
See, life unravels in the weirdest of ways when the chaos of love comes around. And when it comes out of nowhere, it's like waking up one morning - and going through the day, like it was your first. You pick up a mood ring, and you wonder how it works. You pick up on love, and you wonder how it works also. You ask yourself what it's about, what it's meant to be, what the meaning of it all is - what it is. You just wonder how it works.
And you never figure it out, but somehow - it's the only question you don't mind not having the answer to.
