2002-07-05 - 2:35 AM
Lingering In The Air
And so I begin: today was a rollercoaster of emotion. Well, technically, yesterday - El Cuatro De Julio. But you know what, I'm gonna skip most of it - most of it was filled with the pointless mish mash of every day. The main thing that I want to discuss, is my nightly outting to watch the fireworks in my town.
It truly was, a moving experience for me. Allow me to recap:
After having a down day on my inners, but a seemingly joyous one on my outters, I engaged in the climax of my fourth. My family barbecued a whole bunch, and I rushed the food inside of me, because we were late to go see the fireworks down at the fair grounds. So I shoved the meat and 'tatoes down my throat, and washed it all down with a Poland Spring. I picked up a shirt and jet out the house and hopped into the car - and we were on our way. Of course, we anticipated traffic - so we ended up parking in a Senior Center lot, walking a mile and a half to the fair grounds, with collapsable chairs draped over our shoulders (we, meaning my two younger cousins, my sister, and her boyfriend). When we got there, I saw Patrick filming the event for Channel Three - went up to him and struck up our usual unusual convo. There was a band there, Kirk And The Jerks or something similar to that. They weren't too bad. I guess they were strictly a cover band, middle-aged and what have you, but it didn't matter. I was singing along to every damn song they were throwing at us. I guess the people around me thought it weird that I'd know all of those songs, no matter how diverse it got. Eh. I'm a music freak. But I digress. We laid out our sheets and assembled our chairs. After the band finished their set, the music was then ushered by an old, tanned, whippersnapper - who's playlist included "Who Let The Dogs Out" (in which, my opinion is that any person who hears the song on the radio and does NOT change the station, should be subjected to the most miserable torture), and it also included "Born In The U.S.A.". Now THAT boggled me. Didn't he realize that that song is Anti-American, or at least anti-war, which our nation wasn't during the time the song was conceived? I guess people just like to listen to titles, and think what they think. Born in the U.S.A.? Gotta be praising being an American, right? Right. Well, wrong, buddy. But anyways, I doubley digress. It was about time for the firework show to begin - so I sat down in my patriotic fold-out chair, and took another swig of my Poland Spring. And then it started - and the fields sat back.
Not to brag that my town's fireworks show has been voted the best in our county for four years in a row, but yeah, I brag. Hehe. It does nothing for the story though, and has nothing to do with whatever message or mood I'm trying to convey. But whatever.
So as I dipped back down in my seat, and watched the beautiful explosions in the air, I kept thinking to myself, how amazing it all was. The fireworks were low, which was great - every time one would go off, it felt like it was right there in front of me, and I could just reach out and touch the sparks. I was really about to cry. The more light that bulletted through the skies, the more I thought about beauty, about truth, about everything there was that was worth thinking over.
I thought about our nation and our relations and situations - everything that was going on, with my peers being over in those countries under horrific conditions. I thought about the sounds of guns, bombs, and blasts - the sounds of fireworks echoing for miles and miles around. I thought about the children in Afghanistan. I thought about joining the military - like I've been thinking about lately. Then, I would take my eyes off of the wonderments above, and look over to my side, and see my cousins and sister and Jay, lying back, watching the world become so beautiful to them.
"God bless the Chinese.", I joked with them.
I started looking around, and I noticed the thousand or so people that were there, staring and glaring at the bright lights that streamed down from the darkness of night. And I was overcome with a feeling of unity. Somehow, I got to thinking that, we were doing something special there - just the mere act of being there with everybody, and all feeling the same thing. Because I know the best things go through your mind when you're watching something like that - a fireworks show. You forget about the item you forgot to get in the grocery store. You forget about the guy you honked your horn at only about an hour ago. You forget about the work you have to do tomorrow. You just live in the moment, and you think about the things that are worth thinking over.
So I continue: I thought about the beginning of our nation. I thought about our American flag. I thought about the food I just shovelled into my mouth a few hours before. I thought about my friends, my family, the companions I had with me at the moment. I thought about my happiness. I thought about her.
I thought about all the times I couldn't help but thank the Lord I was alive.
I thought about that over and over.
And she also kept coming back into my thoughts - like a swimmer's upper body, bouncing into and out of the water.
I couldn't help but smile.
...
As the fires zipped across the heavens, I was overcome with that strange feeling. It's that positive feeling that isn't exactly happy or overjoyed. It's that overwhelming of life that bunches up into a ball, and lives inside of you for a good while. All you can think about are the things that matter. All you care about, is being able to hold on - to everything altogether. It's that feeling you get after having the laugh of your life, with the closest of your friends - and you're there, tearing because it was so funny - catching your breath as it falls, thinking, "Damn, that was great. I don't want this moment to end."
It's the thought of love.
Fires in the sky, fires in your eyes - desires that burn, and the heat of kisses. It all rolled on through me. And then I thought about her again. And then I thought about beauty. And then I thought about crying, right then and there - 'cause somewhere a couple hundred feet above me - was me.
I thought about fireworks. I thought about me being that burst of light - that beacon in the dark that sparkles and sparkles, lingering in the air for the universe to marvel. I thought about the shadows I'd have to make. I thought about my wants, I thought about her. I thought about wanting her. I thought about fireworks again. But then, in the end...
...I knew I just wanted to linger in the air.
I couldn't help but smile.
...
When thinking about the things that are worth thinking over - I can't help but smile.
Fireworks love to linger in the air.
